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asleep I hope to see you in another life or dream
a higher plane where people will to lower their esteem
and disregard such posturing that I could never fake
to make you feel I'm something more than a few lucky mistakes
and I know your divinity
it's as pure as eternity
when it constantly renews itself
through rebirth of its smaller cells
retaining wonder on a shelf named time
lost wisdom stored on the fringe of your mind
you never lend a page of your archive
weakness and discomfort calibrate our common being
and we miss the mark completely bridging spaces in between
delusions of self-worth but not flawed naked grace
I've waited for exceptions but I don't even work that way
I fear a long way to go yet
my body's mismatched pieces
in a puzzling environment,
to wear loud colors and cement
a piece within the throes of fashion
so you'll know the truth without ever asking
how learning to be lonely
takes a lot of practice
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2. |
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2 rum n cokes and whiskey shot, slithering out of the bar, a bottle of wine at molly's house. it's 3 am and there's a 30 pack on the porch. i'm on the couch, turning inside out. I say I'm going home. he says don't go alone. i don't know how to say no.
joey, I don't mind if you stay the night, but can this wait until morning? it's just that the beer and wine have left me sick and dry, but I will see you in the morning.
is it so hard to unwrap your hands from around my neck? is it so hard just to go to sleep? you can have me in your dreams......
joey, I don't think you should stay the night even if you have to drive. I need to unwrap my skin, air out my skeleton, it's a private coping mechanism. try to drive in the lines, don't find a cop tonight, and don't you call me in the morning.
is it so hard to untwist your hand from the tendrils of my hair? and is it so hard to feel my teeth break skin, the trickle of blood on your shoulder?
I'd like to see you in ten years, teeth rotted out of your skull, scars torn down your back from a horrible motor vehicle collision.
You hit a tree with your Camry, and then you fell asleep for a while…. a while…
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3. |
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One too many lovers
Underneath your covers
One too many men, rolling in your bed
One too many liars,
Putting out your fires,
While I'm fighting shadows, living in my
head
The men who fill your bed
You're loving them and feeling free
You move and touch and laugh out loud
But I'm sure the joke is on me
The jokes on me but I ain't laughin
The jokes on me but I ain't blind
A woman's heart’s a shaky
compass
And True North is hard to find
The sinners who cheat
All wrapped up in dirty sheets
Leave behind the saints, halos smashed
and bruised
I'll look you in the eyes
And ignore your many lies
But I'll lie awake at night, feeling broken
and confused
The men who fill your bed
You're loving them and feeling
free
You move and touch and laugh
out loud
But I'm sure the joke is on me
The jokes on me but I ain't
laughing
The jokes on me but I ain't blind
A woman's heart ‘s a shaky compass
And True North is hard to find
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4. |
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I saw your face in a reflection of a fish tank at the Meijer back at home
It made me remember all the countless hours we spent talking on the phone
And all the time we spent sneaking out to spend our evenings at the 24/7 diner down the street
And now it fades away and all that's left is a sadness that just won't leave
Yeah, a sadness that just won't leave
Well maybe I'm one to romanticize things
And wonder how different it could be
I'll just spend my evenings with my head underwater
And see where the current takes me
Now I'm drowning, now I'm drowning, now I'm drowning, now I'm drowning
And as I left it felt like my whole life was flashing before my eyes
Best friends don't last forever, why can't that be the case with goodbyes
Oh why can't that be the case with goodbyes
Now I'm drowning, now I'm drowning, now I'm drowning, now I'm drowning
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5. |
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Rough waters bring me farther away from you
And the waves are crashing into me
I saw a lighthouse shining too far away
I saw the hope I had leave all of me
I am shipwrecked and I don't think I'll survive
I am shipwrecked and I want you by my side
Oh tonight I can't fly
Oh tonight I will try
So lonely, all these friends are just rocks washed up from sea
Worlds away all these words arrive oh so late
I saw a lighthouse shining too far away
I saw the hope I had leave all of me
I'm shipwrecked and I don't think I'll survive
I'm shipwrecked and I want you by my side
Oh tonight I can't fly
Oh tonight I will try
Oh tonight I will fly
Oh tonight I will die
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released September 3, 2018